Words
by Miss M Cricket
Summary: If anyone could save him it would be Bones, the man he loved, the man he had never told he loved, the man who understood him better than anyone else in the world. Kirk/McCoy


Title: Words  
Author: miss_m_cricket on Livejournal  
Fandom: Star Trek Reboot!  
Pairing: Jim Kirk/Bones McCoy  
Rating: Pg-13  
Disclaimer: You think I own any of this? Nuts, you are.

A/N: For eldritchhorrors who requested Kirk with a terminal illness, and a Bones who knows about it. And for blcwriter and charlies_dragon who seconded the prompt.

Summary: _If anyone could save him it would be Bones, the man he loved, the man he had never told he loved, the man who understood him better than anyone else in the world....._

**Words**

You can't keep living as if you are dying.

Those were the nine words that turned James T Kirk's life around. Perhaps it was his innate positivity that provided this insight into his existence, or a sense of perspective, after all we are all living until we die of something, be it age, accident or illness. It is what you do with the time provided that makes a life, not lying in bed and feeling sorry for yourself.

A rare disease, one that will eventually kill him. That will destroy his cells bit by bit, leaving him helpless, kept alive only by machinery until even they won't be enough to hold him in the land of the living. It means that Jim will put away any thoughts of a safe life. Those nine words mean that he has to live each day like it's the last one he will ever have.

Of course it might be his youth that provided him with those nine words, a sense of immortality based on sheer inexperience. 'No such thing as a no win situation,' his father's motto, something he had lived, and then died by. Jim was determined to find the winning situation out of this. His mother sadly put it down to youthful optimism, and left the Planet, unable to handle it all.

He was eight years old at the time.

~*~

I may throw up on you.

Those were the six words that turned James T Kirk's life upside down. Although to be fair, he didn't know at the time that the man who spoke them would have such a huge effect on his life. Once again Jim had followed his 'live life to the fullest' philosophy, starting with charming the lovely xeno-linguistics student Uhura, continuing in the massive bar brawl, and the talk with Captain Pike. It had ended up with him being here on this shuttle beside a handsome, albeit scruffy man who looked at everyone around him as though they were out to personally make his life more difficult.

The man was intriguing. McCoy, Leonard McCoy, 'All I've got left are my Bones' McCoy was intriguing. He was unlike anyone that Jim had ever met before and so when they all trooped off the Shuttle and McCoy grumbled about everything from the Cadet uniforms to the weather to the greenness of the grass, Jim followed him.

McCoy didn't seem to mind that he had picked up a stray, in fact Jim wasn't even sure he _was_ following McCoy, it seemed awfully like they were following one another, neither one of them wanting to be left alone in the general chaos of red around them. Eventually though they ended up at the correct place where Jim immediately signed himself and McCoy up to share a dorm room, because everyone had to share and no matter how much McCoy griped about it, it was not going to change.

It was there that he learned McCoy's focus, 'Dammit I'm a Doctor, not a child!' was what was barked after a retreating administrator when they made the mistake of patronising his companion, and Jim felt his stomach tighten. A Doctor, someone dedicated to healing people, stopping diseases, someone who was unable to help someone like him, but would blame themselves for their lack even when it wasn't their fault. He had known Doctors back home. They were all the same there.

But not McCoy.

~*~

Come with me.

Those were the three words that pieced James T Kirk back together. He had been grounded, stupidly grounded, while all of his classmates went off into space to gain experience and glory. He couldn't call them friends, Jim didn't have friends, it wouldn't be fair for him to have friends that he would hurt when he died. Except for Bones, Bones who for some reason he couldn't detach himself from. Bones who would be going up into Space, without him.

Except Bones hadn't gone, he had turned as though to go, walked a few paces and then come back, grabbing Jim's arm and dragging him along behind him like a scarf trailing behind him in the wind. 'Couldn't leave you there looking all pathetic,' were Bones words as he jabbed a hypospray into Jim's neck.

Those three words led to a day and a bit full of danger and death, where he had almost died several times. But they emerged victorious, Bones as the Chief Medical Officer, he as the Captain and Earth still whole. Reappearing back on the transporter pad, holding Pike, Spock standing nearby safe and sound, was a moment he would never forget, because in the next second the doors slid open and Bones was there, racing across the floor, relief on his face as he called Jim's name. It was then that he realised something, something wonderful and disturbing. 'Bones,' he groaned back, feeling Bones hand grip his arm, those hazel green eyes scanning him for injuries before shifting over to Pike and removing him from Jim's clutches.

Then Bones was gone, and he felt that absence like a keen phaser shot to the belly. But he had to be the Captain, and so turned to Spock, who had detached from Uhura and walked out with the Vulcan up to the Bridge to face Nero once more.

He had lived life to the fullest that day.

~*~

I am going to save you.

Those were the six words that gave James T Kirk hope for the first time in his life. Since he had been diagnosed at age seven and three quarters he had been told that there was no cure, no hope, and no future for him. But if he had learnt anything in the last few years it was to trust in Bones. If anyone could save him it would be Bones, the man he loved, the man he had never told he loved, the man who understood him better than anyone else in the world.

He would never forget the sight of Bones standing in the centre of the med-bay, holding his PADD, face tight with determination, as he calmly informed his Captain that he would save him. Jim had known it was coming, had known the instant he had confirmed Bones as his Chief Medical Officer. Bones was his assigned physician, and would read his file and would thus know of the disease eating Jim alive. He should have known that Bones just wouldn't accept it, accept that he was dying, not after what had happened with Bones father.

Watching his best friend work every spare waking minute he had on making a cure for something that was supposed to be incurable, Jim felt his heart tighten. Bones threw himself into the work as though nothing else mattered, not his own health, not anything except finding that elusive breakthrough that he needed to save Jim. Beside him worked Spock, the Doctor having put aside his natural dislike for the Vulcan to ask him for his help, and Sulu and Chekov, who had refused to sit back and let the other two do the work.

He had promised himself not to grow attached to people, people who he would hurt by leaving. But it had been a promise he couldn't keep. Bones wouldn't let him keep it, and neither would the rest of his crew.

~*~

I love you.

Those were the three words that broke James T Kirk's heart. He could hear Bones saying them, over and over above him, whispering them like a mantra like a prayer. He could feel Bones hand holding his, clutching it like his touch would be enough to hold Jim down to his body, keep him living, breathing, just a bit longer. He could taste Bones salty tears on his lips, the physical manifestation of so much pain and grief, months of struggle and ultimately failure.

He wanted to tell Bones that it wasn't his fault, that he hadn't been expecting his friend to work such a miracle, that he was just grateful Bones had cared enough to try at all. He wanted to say those three words back, the three words that he had been too afraid to say, those three words that it was now too late to say. He was dying, feeling every heartbeat push his body closer and closer towards the final breath, the final pulse.

'Jim, don't leave me,' he could hear Bones sobbing, hear him pleading hear him begging, 'Please, please, please...I'll do anything, just hold on.' He could feel his heart fluttering, unable to beat so firmly anymore. He could almost feel the blood moving sluggishly through his veins, he could almost feel death's cold hand reaching for him. It's time for him to go, time for him to leave.

'Dammit Jim! I love you! Come back...'

~*~

Yes.

That was the one word that made James T Kirk's life complete. Spock had discovered an antigen, something his body had been producing, but in a tiny amount, enough to slow down the disease, but not attack it. He had forced replication and pressed the hypospray to Jim's neck just seconds before his heart stopped beating. Only Bones, with his medical skills, and his fierce will not to let his best friend and the man he loved die, had kept his body functioning long enough for the antigen to spread throughout his body and flush out the disease.

It had taken three hours for Jim's body to work on its own. Taken three months for him to be well enough once more for active duty, taken three years for him to really believe that the disease was gone and he didn't have to live his life like he was dying.

It had taken six hours for Jim's body to be able to regain movement, but the instant it did he pulled Bones to him, kissing him with the kind of feverish passion that only those who have loved and almost lost can do. And Bones kissed him back, clinging to him and groaning and sobbing, whispering that he would never, ever let Jim go. And he hadn't

It was three years later and he was lying on a grassy hill on a planet somewhere in the depths of the universe. The grass was a pale purple but the night sky was dusted with millions of bright lights. Beside him lay Bones, eyes closed, his bare body gleaming in the light of the two moons above them. Jim watched him, a small smile on his face. 'Bones?' he said.

He got a soft grunt in response.

'Will you marry me?'

'Yes'

**~*~  
Musical Inspiration  
**Track: Behold the Great King of England - From the Tudors


End file.
